I'm in Delville Road. You know that. Why are you giving me directions from Park Road? Where is Park Road? None of the streets have names, remember?
I'm a girl - which way is southeast - left or right?
"2. Turn right towards Zanemali Road."
From where? Park Road or Blakeway Road? Why only TOWARDS Zanemali Road?
"3. Take the first left onto Zanemali Road."
From which Road? Am I still in Park, or am I on Blakeway? Remember the streets have no names. You haven't mentioned that I have to cross the N2.
At this stage, I stop at Cashbuild and ask where Zanemali Road is. No-one knows. I phone the furniture company and ask for directions. She says, "We're in Southernwood. (Phew, I know where that is) Go to Coca-Cola, turn left, go past SAB, and there we are."
"How do I get to Coca-Cola?"
"Just come into Southernwood and go up the hiil."
Yeah right.
Deep breath.
"4. Take the 2nd left to stay on Zanemali."
WTF???? It's a 90 degree turn. Okay, I'll do what I'm told.
Meanwhile, I'm dodging cattle drinking from puddles in the potholes. I need wine.
"5. Turn right onto Errol Spring Avenue."
Okay. I'm guessing it's the first right, as the streets have no names. But we already know that.
I still need wine, and I can see Pick n Pay, so there is wine at the end of the tunnel.
"6. Take the 1st left towards Timber Street."
What do you mean TOWARDS Timber Street? What is the name of the street I'm turning into? Where the hell is that wine?
"7. Turn left onto Timber Street."
YAY, I can see Coca-Cola! And SAB! I must be on the right road!
But I still need wine, and it's only 3.15pm
"7. (continued) Destination will be on the left." Er...no. It was on the right .
Not long now till I have that wine. I've earned it.
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